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  • Writer's pictureDr. Stefan


I have been being prompted by my ever-new, ever-growing sense of intuition, to post a few lines about what I have been experiencing lately. The reference I am making is not a new one. It is, perhaps, one of the most ancient ones that exists: that of describing the Universe, All Creation, as a holographic.

Within the holograph, any part of the overall whole can describe the whole when light is shined through it, much as the prismatic color display when a light is shown through a diamond. I have recently deepened my work on myself in ways that have allowed me to have a deeper, clearer, more penetrating view and understanding of what "myself" actually means.

Like most of us, for a very long time, I was trapped into believing that the outer circumstances of my life, and all of the conditions of the world were, in fact, "reality." I have, for quite some time, been working with therapy clients around shame and trauma. The more I healed my own shame, the more I came to realize that I had internalized a great deal of it, related especially to my own violent childhood and to experiences in Vietnam in the military.

Through the many years (more than fifty now), I gradually learned to stop blaming others and accept a certain level of personal responsibility (NO! I did not create my own shame or injuries! But how I reacted to them, and kept re-enacting them, was my choice). The more deeply I investigated, the more I came to see the wisdom that all people and all creatures are connected; and affect one another. From that view I have, for the last six months of so, been taking a deeper dive into my own consciousness; and been releasing even more of the old "held objects" of shame and blame, of fear and terror, that I had long been carrying as actual psychic weight within myself.

I have only recently finally made peace with both of my parents for what I consider to have been their participation in my forming a twisted view of myself and the consequent unfoldment of events in my life, including many years of drug addiction (now 39 years clean from cocaine). The more I delved into how I considered myself, and began to consider myself in a totally different light (spawned by work with incredibly radiant healers who helped me release much old, embedded traumatic memory that, in turn has led to daily meditation and yet other deeper work on myself ), the more I have come to see that "reality" is an inner orientation to cultivate; and therefore, I no longer have to "work" to become a better man; or "battle" with Shadow and inner "demons" to work toward a more "perfect" state.

I have come to see that all of my emotional and spiritual "thrashing around," driven by my shame and anxiety, simply created more of the same. And contributed to the abased conditions of the world. I have come to understand that by deepening my awareness of my true Self, the genuine place in the cosmic order that I have always "owned," that I can ONLY improve the world and conditions on Earth by deepening my own sense of peace and belongingness. I can only change the world by changing myself, by freeing myself of old imprints and beliefs. I am now treating the Universe the way I want to be treated.


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