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  • Dr. Stefan

Thursday August 19th, 2021: 0501 Pe'ahi, Maui, Hawai'i

My original draft of this (some eight hours ago) was far more raw and less integrated than this one will be. This piece will still conveys the power of what I have recently experienced, maybe even more.

Tuesday night in my men's group, I outed a thief. You will never see his name here, or blasted out across the internet. At least not yet. I don't know. I may still expose him to some kind of public excoriation. His is an internet fiend and I know I could at least superficially hurt him by broadcasting his crimes to his confreres. But it has taken me four years of deep personal work and therapy to finally came to grips with being ripped off by this individual. It has taken that amount of time to unravel the rage and intensity of my feelings of betrayal to reach a point of emotional relief strong enough to tell this story without there being a violent ending with excruciating details. This has been very powerful for me as fuel for my personal growth, in not reaching out and blaming; in not reaching out for revenge. (At one point, I fantasized flying to Russia [where he had retreated] and confronting him face-to-face).

I told the truth to my men's group, some of whom knew the earlier circumstances. I used his name, though many of them didn't recognize it. I spoke the truth of my journey, having reached the place where I no longer wanted to carry any feelings related to him or our failed (sabotaged) business venture. I did this and I do this now only to relieve myself of the burden of rage and negative feelings. As far as I am concerned, he is condemned and will be crucified by his own intentions and behaviors.

I have come to see that he never intended to deliver the work he promised. He was incapable of doing so. He did not have the skills to do so. I have come to understand that his lies and duplicity were far deeper and more twisted than the seemingly superficial ones that he presented. He is far, far less than the shallow twisted man he showed me. It is clear in retrospect that he has devoted most of his life ripping me and others off and living off women. He is morally incapable of being honest. He is incapable of love. He has no real heart. He has no soul.

I have not gone out spewing his name on every social media device, or sought legal recourse. Or sent out hunters to find him and present him to me duct-taped in a chair. I have decided in the Ultimate Justice, rendered by the Universe Itself out of the Wholeness of the Whole. He only thought he manipulated $20,000 out of me as legitimate business expenses (many of which turned out later to have been re-directed for his personal needs). I have developed an unshakable faith in the fact that he will find that he ultimately stole it from himself--and he will pay in the same kind and level of anguish and deprivation though which he has put me with shame and fear and self-recriminations. This whole process has been an enormous emotional and moral conundrum and teaching.

If I decide to speak publicly about his many crimes, I sincerely hope he decides to sue me for defamation of character. The truth is always the best defense of such a charge--and I have all the receipts! I can prove how and where my money was spent and on what. In the meantime, I am releasing myself from further carrying any emotional weight related to him. I am complete.

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  • Dr. Stefan

Saturday August 7th, 2021: 1154 Pe'ahi, Maui, Hawai'i

I had an experience yesterday that perfectly illustrated greed-culture versus positive self-care. Having gone through a giant hassle to get my Primary Care Physician (from the VA, so there's the first clue) to prescribe a medication for me over the phone (the diagnosis confirmed by my podiatrist that same day). I had had STAT labs drawn that morning that supported the diagnosis. I got the the pharmacy, fully intending to pay out-of-pocket (I am a 100% Service-Connected PTSD vet and normally get my meds from the VA (7-10 day wait via USPS). When the woman at the counter said "It's free." I was in pain and delighted. I did not take the time to look at the bottle inside the stapled bag until I got home. I looked in the bottle and saw only six (6) capsules (whereas the written protocol from the Rx printed on the label clearly described thirteen (13) doses. When I called the pharmacy, the technician said, "Oh! Most vets only the part of the Rx that's free! So we only gave you the six!" I sputtered, almost overwhelmed by how ridiculous that was. The full regimen clinical dose was clearly thirteen to heal my inflammation, yet the technician's thinking was I would rather save a few dollars than heal my health issue! I was flabbergasted and told her that spending a few dollars out-of-pocket to heal this issue was far more important than having to drive in again (one hour round trip) to get the rest of my Rx. I called this morning to affirm this with the Pharmacist (at least in part to avoid standing in line to ask for my meds, and then waiting until it was filled and then standing in line again to pick them up--especially when it was inflammation in my foot that made standing quite painful! I am laughing today as I write this because I have experienced such a perfectly illustrative example of the all-pervasive greed that surrounds us. This is yet another story I can put into my repertoire, another tale from the raconteur's collection.

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Updated: Aug 7, 2021

Monday August 2nd, 2021: 2159 Pe'ahi, Maui, Hawai'i

I decided tonight to share the title and the new introduction I have just created for an older, non-fiction book I wrote several years ago. It became relevant to me because I decided that I had not gone deeply enough the first drafts into the various topics that might be covered under the umbrella of the title. (I must admit that I have just completed the second draft of my latest [the eighth] novel, part of an ongoing series). As is usual for me, I allow a draft to sit for from two to four weeks before re-working and editing it. Such is the case with A Value for the Ages. I will take up the cudgel when the spirit of the book calls me once more to the task. My intuition told me to post this newly-written brief intro to the newest version of Transcendental Retirement.


It is my belief (having reached the stage of life I have), that the “retirement years” are (or at least can be) the very best, most creative and emotionally and spiritually fulfilling of anyone’s life.

There is certainly no denying the many ills and difficulties that are regularly attributed to one’s “golden years” by the voracious cult of emotional thugs that populate the advertising industry, devoted to selling anything at all in order to produce more profit. They but follow the commands of their masters and mistresses who require every ounce of life blood and vitality be wrung from as many people as possible by whatever means possible.

Thus, emerges that vast, pestilential output of negative media attention on “the problems of aging’ and the frequent, if not constant, view that it almost always a painful and disappointing experience. It also lends itself to a secondary income stream through insisting that the process of ageing will always require an increase in the use and application of an enormous array of medical, mental and physical assistance that are “necessary” for the aging individual in order to lead his or her compromised lifestyle.

A certain aspect of this may be true. There are differences as one ages. And, I assert, that much of it is falsely promoted simply to make more money. I further assert that much of it is created to be assumed throughout one’s lifetime in various guises, all of which are aimed at social control and a diminution of the inborn sovereignty of each of us. In the sense that unexamined beliefs lead to unconscious actions that are cumulative, it is my belief that practically everyone on this planet now—and certainly for the past two-thousand years or more, have been under a quasi-hypnotic spell of belief that we, each of us, must be yoked by a political and economic system that robs each of us of our birthright of sovereignty for the benefit of the very, very few individuals who by right or birth or force of arms, have come to dominate the collective ideology of the world-systems of this garden planet.

There are many aspects to this and I shall be investigating them as we move along this trajectory of exploration, expurgation (for surely to genuinely gain one must be willing to unload the actual weight of the past) and celebration in the re-awakened joy of being alive and well far longer and in far more fulling ways than those which contemporary society has been, to this point, been willing to grant.

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