Sunday 07/24/2021 1256 Pe'ahi Hawai'i
Reflecting on my earlier post, I realized that there was a key element that I had left out of the equation. It has been as simple (and complex) as giving myself permission to be me; to give myself what I really want, really need--not just wanting or believing I should want all of the contemporary glory and nonsense of the modern world.
This is especially poignant for me since, from my earliest day, I had my unworthiness deeply hammered into me on a daily basis. The net effect can be easily seen in the artifacts of my life: emotional incest, depression, chronic compulsive eating, alcoholism (starting age 13), twenty three years of "professional" drug abuse (now 38.5 years clean from cocaine), many broken relationships and a grand total of 17 major surgeries (reflecting, to some extent, my poor self image and self-care).
Being able to feel joy now in the simple (and not-so-simple) acts of daily life is proving to be enormous and extremely fulfilling. I am no longer living for "when I am fixed" (in the old deluded image), but for the joy and wonder of every day, every moment.
I thank you, my Self.